Welcoming Denial: Lessons from Half a Century of Writing Experience

Encountering denial, especially when it recurs often, is anything but enjoyable. A publisher is declining your work, giving a clear “No.” As a writer, I am familiar with rejection. I started submitting articles 50 years back, right after finishing university. Since then, I have had two novels declined, along with article pitches and countless short stories. In the last score of years, focusing on personal essays, the refusals have only increased. On average, I receive a rejection multiple times weekly—adding up to in excess of 100 times a year. In total, rejections throughout my life number in the thousands. Today, I might as well have a advanced degree in handling no’s.

So, is this a self-pitying outburst? Far from it. Because, now, at seven decades plus three, I have embraced being turned down.

By What Means Have I Accomplished It?

Some context: By this stage, almost each individual and their distant cousin has rejected me. I’ve never counted my acceptance statistics—it would be deeply dispiriting.

A case in point: recently, a newspaper editor rejected 20 articles consecutively before accepting one. Back in 2016, no fewer than 50 editors rejected my memoir proposal before someone accepted it. Subsequently, 25 agents passed on a book pitch. An editor requested that I send my work less often.

The Phases of Setback

When I was younger, all rejections hurt. It felt like a personal affront. It was not just my creation being rejected, but myself.

As soon as a piece was rejected, I would begin the “seven stages of rejection”:

• Initially, shock. What went wrong? How could they be ignore my talent?
• Second, denial. Certainly they rejected the incorrect submission? Perhaps it’s an mistake.
• Then, rejection of the rejection. What do they know? Who appointed you to decide on my work? You’re stupid and your publication is poor. I refuse this refusal.
• After that, irritation at those who rejected me, then frustration with me. Why do I put myself through this? Could I be a martyr?
• Fifth, bargaining (preferably seasoned with optimism). How can I convince you to see me as a exceptional creator?
• Then, sadness. I lack skill. What’s more, I can never become successful.

I experienced this for decades.

Notable Examples

Naturally, I was in excellent company. Stories of creators whose manuscripts was at first turned down are plentiful. The author of Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Almost every writer of repute was originally turned down. Since they did persevere, then perhaps I could, too. The sports icon was dropped from his high school basketball team. The majority of American leaders over the last 60 years had earlier failed in elections. Sylvester Stallone estimates that his script for Rocky and desire to star were turned down 1,500 times. For him, denial as an alarm to wake me up and get going, rather than retreat,” he stated.

The Final Phase

Then, as I reached my later years, I achieved the seventh stage of setback. Acceptance. Today, I more clearly see the many reasons why a publisher says no. To begin with, an editor may have already featured a comparable article, or have something underway, or be considering that idea for a different writer.

Or, more discouragingly, my idea is of limited interest. Or the editor believes I don’t have the experience or standing to fit the bill. Perhaps isn’t in the field for the wares I am offering. Or was busy and read my work hastily to see its abundant merits.

Feel free call it an epiphany. Everything can be declined, and for whatever cause, and there is virtually not much you can do about it. Certain reasons for denial are forever out of your hands.

Manageable Factors

Others are within it. Admittedly, my pitches and submissions may from time to time be ill-conceived. They may lack relevance and impact, or the message I am attempting to convey is insufficiently dramatised. Alternatively I’m being obviously derivative. Or a part about my grammar, especially dashes, was annoying.

The key is that, in spite of all my years of exertion and rejection, I have succeeded in being recognized. I’ve published multiple works—my first when I was 51, my second, a personal story, at 65—and more than numerous essays. These works have featured in publications big and little, in diverse platforms. An early piece was published in my twenties—and I have now contributed to many places for 50 years.

Still, no blockbusters, no book signings in bookshops, no features on TV programs, no Ted Talks, no book awards, no accolades, no Nobel Prize, and no Presidential Medal. But I can more readily accept rejection at my age, because my, small accomplishments have softened the stings of my frequent denials. I can afford to be philosophical about it all now.

Educational Rejection

Denial can be educational, but provided that you heed what it’s trying to teach. If not, you will likely just keep seeing denial all wrong. What teachings have I acquired?

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